Out my kitchen window and across a deep purple lavender field, I see the lights in my mother's house early each morning. This comforts me knowing that she is ok. And when I turn on my lights she also knows that we are snug in our house. Now I look down at her house and it is dark... totally dark. It reminds me of our loss and the emptiness that comes with this darkness.

As an only child my mother's worst fear is that I would die before she did. As someone said in a previous letter that our relationship was the longest of any relationship I will ever have...75 years. Because of this we were very close. She raised me as a single mom when my father left us when I was 2 years old.. She never received any help from him nor did he ever try to visit me. This always bothered her and she never forgave him. We had a solid family structure in a small town with grandparents, aunts and uncles, all helping to raise me. I know it was dfficult for her trying to make ends meet. When I was 8 years old she married James M. Harris and we moved from League City to Texas City. My stepfather was very good to her and she deeply loved him and was totally devoted to him until his death in 1975. She was only 55 when he died.

Her twin sister Vera is still alive in Texas and lived alone until recently. Bubba called her twice a day to make sure she was well and had not fallen or was ill. During their entire life they were inseparable and always did twin things together. When one took up painting, the other followed. While in Marble Falls they lived in a duplex next to each other. I always felt guilty when I moved her to Oregon, so far away from her twin sister. Her twin sister could not say Verva when she was young and called her Bubba instead. The name stuck throughout her life and everyone called her and knew her as "Bubba".

My mother was always there to help me. When I opened a restaurant in Austin she helped run it while I was out of town working. She never complained to me except when she did not think I was getting proper rest. When I bought the farm in Oregon in 2000, she was right there helping KaiLai and I plant lavender, run the store, and helping us build our house. I know she seriously pondered some of the paths I took in my life, but she never questioned me or interferred with my decisions. She was such a true and loyal friend...and a loving and devoted mother. She loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren and showed pictures of them to everyone, as most grandmothers do.

She showed compassion and care to everyone she met. I never heard her make a bad comment about anyone. She thoroughly enjoyed life and especially her cats and painting. She painted almost every day untl her death. On trips to Portland down the Columbia Gorge she would point out the different colors of the landscape. It all looked the same to me but I would agree with her. Only an artist would notice these small details in colors and the shading in trees, water, flowers, and mountainscapes. She won several awards for her paintings during her lifetime.

She did not suffer in the end. She had not felt very well for about 2 weeks and each day she said "I will be better tomorrow". She did not want us to worry about her.  I wanted to take her to the doctor but she refused. I think she wanted to die in her own bed and on her own terms and not at the hospital. Maybe that is why she felt threatened to visit the doctor.

The night before she passed away I took some potato soup down to her. We sat at the table and she ate a little of it. I told her I would be back in the morning to check on her. The next morning her bedroom light was on as usual. I came into her house and fixed her a cup of coffee and tried to wake her up. She was laying in bed dressed with her makeup kit next to her. She appeared to be asleep but I could tell she was not breathing. She looked so normal and only had just passed away as she as still warm.

I so wished I would have told her the night before she died how much I loved her and what a comfort she had been to me during my lifetime. And I certainly wish I could have been with her to comfort her as she took her last breath. And now I regret that I did not sit wth her more often and talk but I was always too busy to take the time. Life is that way and once someone is gone, it is too late to turn back the pages.

I urge all of you to spend time with your most precious loved ones and to tell them you love them. Don't be impatient and always show compassion and respect in evey detail with each person you meet, especially your family. Each day could be their last...or maybe yours.

So I say good-bye to my precious mother for now. Life won't be the same without you but that is what we all must prepare for as we leave our mortal life and pass through the veil. I know we will be together again as a family where happiness abounds for eternity.

The following is a poem by Will L. Thompson.  I think it epitomizes the life of my mother and what she stood for.

"Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad,

And made someone feel glad?

If not I have failed indeed."    

Her loving son,

Dayle Miquel Harris